a ghost.. a real ghost.. has no need to die.. what is she except a being without access to the universe that she has not yet managed to forget? ~ randall jarrell
i officially talk to myself here in the comments, or to visitors as long as they're not robots.. any comments are welcome ;)
rows of never opened doors: ghost gallery quarantine area (use a laptop or pc with firefox or google chrome browser for essential music, no phones) all artwork here is copyright protected by vengeful ghosts! 2019 brenda roudebush all rights reserved..
these are excerpts from the book toxic & i wrote about our childhood... it's called 'brenda was here'.. let me know what you think/comments? p.s. stories here are non fiction/true. (privately hosted ~ if you're interested in reading this just ask:)
vintage kids can come & visit the ghost toy catalogue here.. (sound up)
the friendlyghost album ~ welcome to my photo album.. we live in wonderland.. :) i hope you enjoy me & my guys & kitties, the places we go & things we enjoy.. ~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
cemeteria album ~ remember me as you pass by.. as you are now so once was i.. as i am now so you will be.. prepare for death and follow me.. ~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
family tree album ~ this addition to the cemeteria album is especially for my own lost loved ones.. ~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
a POEtry reading...
my elliott smith lyric page (sound up)
portland haunts album ~ is mr smith haunting portland? come see snaps of elliott smith landmarks & other local spots.. ~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
ghost links..
XXX..............RIP..............XXX
here lies the psychconnection archive..
click here to peruse the remains (what's left after many members' posts were removed) of our dead support forum in the deepfreeze of this cybermorgue..
go ask alice when she's 10 feet tall...
this alice is my other self.. she's always there lurking behind me...
papercuts ~
(my poetry & short stories...)
WARNING! this site contains graphic language and subject matter related to self injury...
soon after dark, emily cries...
gazing through trees in sorrow,
hardly a sound till tomorrow...
cosmic debris/emily strange
last.. but not least.. my website..
where all the happy little gumbys & pokeys have come home to gumbyland.. the secret gallery.. and other cool stuff..
january trees album ~ january trees ~ winter shows her bones.. the tree is the psyche, the spirit, the whole self.. our inner world.. ~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
toxic was here ~ vintage socal, birthdays & halloweens.. copyright 2008 all rights reserved
ghost's top eleven rpg's:
#1 ~ down the rabbit hole...
"here's a riddle.. when is a croquet mallet like a billy club? ..i'll tell you... whenever you want it to be..."
cheshire cat to alice
(american mcgee's alice: the original)
this game is my favorite above all others...
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thank you thank you mr mcgee for alice madness returns!!! (with the original i still rate these the best!)
#2 is primal, especially the wraith world where i felt right at home.. what a relief to play a strong female for a change, and with scree the gargoyle at my side... loved this game and want more!!!
#3 is fable/fable:lost chapters/fable 2.. get lost in this incredible world and determine your own fate... good or evil.. or somewhere in between...
fable 3 is out!!!
#4 city of lost children.. based on the french movie of the same name.. you are miette, an orphan, use your thieving and sneaking skills to free the childrens' souls from the evil inventor who is stealing their dreams...
tied at #4 the kingdom hearts games (2).. disney meets final fantasy! play in disney worlds alongside jack skellington in halloweentown, jack sparrow in the caribbean or alice at the mad tea party..
#5 is van helsing.. if you liked the movie, play this gothic masterpiece and face werewolves, the frankenstein monster, mr hyde and count dracula himself...
#6 are all of the lord of the rings games, which are all worth mastering, including the hobbit game.. (watch out for the spiders!) & the old classic snes lord of the rings.. (another good old favorite.. i spent forever lost in the barrow downs...)
#7 are all the ultima games.. my favorites were 'quest of the avatar' and 'the false prophet'.. but if you like the classics try out 'black gate' and 'exodus' and the other oldies..
#8 is the original nes game shadowgate.. the one that turned me into an rpg junkie in the first place all those years ago.. hunched over my controller in the dark in my camper in the middle of the night.. still a classic...
#9 is final fantasy, but i'm an old time gamer, so i mean the original final fantasy games on nes/snes like 1, 2, 3 + mystic quest.. still the best even without the graphics of the newer games...
#10 is lemony snickett's series of unfortunate events.. ok, so this game is not terribly hard.. (i was able to complete it even while fairly intoxicated..) it is still creative and fun if you enjoyed the movie, which i did...
i needed a #11 on my list for all the honorable mentions.. unforgettable games like wizardry, king arthur's world, tombs & treasures, deja vu, faxanadu, the immortal, breath of fire and the dragon warrior games.. also baldur's gate, the ren & stimpy games that wrecked my nerves, zombies ate my neighbors, fester's quest, maniac mansion!!! ...gasp... too many to remember... aargghh! all those years spent in the dark deep in some labyrinth scribbling cryptic notes and maps.. is that what is was that made me mad? or did they save me from madness...? the world may never know..
(p.s. i never made it without biting..)
!X! a bonus: i absolutely approve of the gamecube's eternal darkness: sanity's requiem.. lovecraftian & hallucinogenic.. i dare you!
the post-apocalyptic fallout games, F3, new vegas & F4 coming soon!
i highly approve of the other from software games besides bloodborne, demon's souls & dark souls 1, 2 & 3.. not for the faint of heart, gotta get good for these!
ghost pix album ~ rpg videogame screenshots, lol kitties & all kinds of goodies.. (use a pc or laptop to hear my game mix here)
our game gallery..
home to oblivion..
ok i need a whole section just for elder scrolls~oblivion 'cause i'm playing it and loving it way too much right now.. i am so beautifully lost here living as a vampire & i'm never coming back.
later ~ 430 hours of gameplay all as a vampire & now i'm stuck in limbo in the deadly glitch.. noooo!!
update: i'm on the methadone of rpgs for my oblivion withdrawls, it's predecessor morrowind ~ the game of the year edition..
these are now my All-Time favorite rpgs, above all others..
NEW ELDER SCROLLS!!
SKYRIM!! 11/11/11!!
DAWNGUARD DLC!!
& more dlc to come! the awful tyranny of the sun shall end..
come into oblivion with me & tour my homes..
(note: vampirism has changed my appearance & my invisibility is due to stealth..)
so many ways to die..
realms of madness..
a friend in highcross town..
bonus morrowind footage..
welcome to skyrim..
featured ghosttube..
baby tabitha begs pitifully at the back door.. she now has over 300,000 views! p.s. i am not a godless soulless monster..
american mcgee's alice...
she looks kinda familiar? ...!
safehaven - i'm snowballinhell here...
WARNING!* these sites contain graphic language and/or images & subject matter related to self injury...
when i decided to have fun with my ghost closet antifashion t-shirts & 'no boring socks' collections ;) ~
as a vintage kid i have an extensive collection of retro & vintage clothing & wanted to bring it out & have some fun ~
so i ran a series of posts over at the lost & found toy blog accordingly ~
with a bunch of unlisted youtube shorts included for your enjoyment & amusement :D ~
starting with t-shirts of course & pants with lots of pockets ~
& ending with a lengthy 'no boring socks' finale! ~
since then i've added updates, so here is the complete finished list of posts, the ghost closet in all of its glory, complete with mysterious toys & my assistant, alice <3 ~
i've been thinking about my pittypat girls alot lately <3
maybe because it's freezing & i miss sleeping with them all around me at night?
so i thought i'd share their story here ~
it all started with tiny tabitha who we rescued from a local garage that had mama kitties & babies all hiding in the corners, we didn't want her to be alone & we'd already spotted a funny little white siamese mix kitten at our local pet shop so we brought her home too ~
we had a secure fenced in backyard down in warm sunny socal back then so at first they were backyard babies, playing in the flowerbeds & having a wild time..
but tabitha wanted to live inside.. so of course we let them in!
they were indoor/outdoor kitties & tabitha had many very cute boyfriends! (sabrina couldn't be less impressed with them..)
& soon she was 'with kittens' <3
sabrina felina was soon to be an auntie..
in spring of 2001 was the blessed event :D dan/raven stayed home from school & we sat with tabitha as she had 5 adorable pittypats, all daughters!
miette, snug, pickles, hepsebah & rose blue..
sabrina loved them just as if they were her own as well of course..
these were the best of times as our pittypats played & had a blast, but we soon realized we needed a bigger place..
so we bought a house! & mr dad closed in our backyard patio to make it a 'catio'.. (long before this was a thing..)
they had a gorgeous green ivy enclosed backyard to play in each day with dan as their shepherd watching over them with the cat toys to keep them safe & happy <3
but we needed a bigger house!! so eventually we tucked them all into their large carriers & drove an rv up here to portland ;)
i love them with all my heart & i know they're still right here with me somehow & that we'll all be together again someday.. meanwhile i comfort myself with all our home movies which just remind me they had the happiest lives of any kitties i've ever known <3
the lost album - click to enter my current photo album here.. (sound up)
click to visit my old around the bend album (sound up) photos by ghost 2019 all rights reserved Note: if the audio does not play on this & other albums please go directly to the ghost gallery or photo album page links in the header, the audio plays perfectly at my website :)
a handful of applecores a mouthful of razorblades
i am friendly ~ but i have edges..
seeing is deceiving..
$@x!^&*#%!/
love bites.
life sucks.
"but i don't want to go among mad people" Alice remarked.
"oh, you can't help that," said the Cat: "we're all mad here. i'm mad. you're mad."
"how do you know i'm mad?" said Alice.
"you must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
Alice didn't think that proved it at all; however, she went on "and how do you know that you're mad?"
"to begin with," said the Cat, "a dog's not mad. you grant that?"
"i suppose so," said Alice.
"well, then," the Cat went on, "you see, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased. Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.."
antifashion in the time of coronavirus! ~ or subtitle 'yeah this is how bored i got' ~ so 2 years ago in march i posted my 'vault forever, surface never' post here ~ when i decided to have fun with...
i've been thinking about my pittypat girls alot lately <3 maybe because it's freezing & i miss sleeping with them all around me at night? so i thought i'd share their story here ~ it all started with tiny tabitha...
winter winds continue here, along with a wintry mix of rain & slush & cold.. as the year winds down to the end i can't help but have more & more thoughts of my sister.. on new year's eve it'll...
here we are already counting down the last days till xmas, it feels as if winter is breezing by too fast? perhaps due to my many stresses these days? we have all survived having our new roof & gutters installed,...
halloween is in only a couple weeks, but we've still had persistent high temps breaking records & pissing off us vampires, they call it 'augtober' :( i'm still working on my upcoming halloween party dollscape, with alice's (Not.) help.. making...
once upon a time 16 years or so ago, i started this blog. i was a regular at the popular elliott smith fan forum called sweetaddy & took the name from one of his song lyrics, in fact my posts...
i love houses ~ as an infj i have long realized i have a special sensitivity to things like old toys that feel well loved & have such a good energy about them ~ i also get the same feeling...
i mentioned how i thought i'd write another book, of short stories this time, called 'the toyroom'.. some notes so far: the lost toys in the stillness of the neglected closet, a small sound in the darkness breaks the long...
well it's june but still mercifully raining off & on, no summer yet.. sorry, but we're vampires here & detest the blazing sun & heat, a little light is ok, but i'll take the dark & a/c till autumn rolls...
through the years i've enjoyed making artbooks through shutterfly, among other cool personalized items.. the rows of never opened doors, the abstracts.. of course one devoted to my toyroom i posted about at the lost & found toy blog here...
this old painting i did decades ago now hangs in my room beneath a shelf of plush lions, tigers & bears.. it's an inner child themed storybook style watercolor called 'escape' based on a grand dream from childhood in which...
ok so it's official after just 3 months of kitty therapy i have gained 5 lbs :) & alice is just under 10 lbs now herself! little alice in wonderland after 2 solid years cursed at 111 lbs this seems...
so recently i was chatting with a fellow gumby friend about our boredshopping weakness as of late.. i've worried & felt guilty about it because for one thing i refuse to pay for shipping when i can get stickers instead....
(or the great depression part 2?) on a good note, little alice is such a blessing, she seemed to bond to each of us instantly like we've known her all along, & we suspect she might be our sabrina felina...
well we're almost to 2022.. so the approaching holiday is a sad anniversary, 7 years ago my sister had a heart attack on new year's eve & was discovered on the bathroom floor of her board & care home for...
i love books, so once upon a time i wondered if i should be a librarian? i've been working on my library inventory.. let me just say this, books are Heavy. wish i were out photoing autumn trees & leaves...
good morning.. yeah sure. so as i recover from my latest migraine i've decided i need further escape from my now traumatized ocd infj nervous system, & what better place than in the post-apocalyptic wasteland after the nuclear war &...
any other vintage gothkids or vampire introverts with time to kill? it's alice week over at the lost & found : my other blog we're halfway through with recarpeting our upstairs since we've had to break the job up to...
so summer is over. have you done your halloween decorating yet? we have.. i've been pulling skeletons out of my closet & hanging them around the house where we can enjoy them glowing at night.. not going out for our...
i've said it before, vampires don't do summer. so we survived the freakish heat event here that broke all time heat records at 118. & now my mysterious monster of a husband is home recovering from surgery to remove his...
little friends..
back in the day ~ back when i was still a snowballinhell, including tabitha's kittens & little daniel.. copyright 2008 all rights reserved
friendlyghost fun & games!!
trapdoor links to the secret gallery... sound up!
ghostfilms
lost hollow digital art album ~ ~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
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