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a ghost.. a real ghost.. has no need to die.. what is he except a being without access to the universe that he has not yet managed to forget?
~ randall jarrell

i officially talk to myself here in the comments, or to visitors as long as they're not robots..

ghost toy catalogue

  • spookytown
    an inventory of toys & collectibles vintage & new including toxic's toys, toxic's library & halloweeniana..

    ~ copyright 2011 all rights reserved
Cherry tree moon
the friendlyghost album ~ welcome to my photo album..
we live in wonderland.. :)
i hope you enjoy me & my guys & kitties, the places we go & things we enjoy..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
Beloved
cemeteria album ~
remember me as you pass by.. as you are now so once was i.. as i am now so you will be.. prepare for death and follow me..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
100 year old kitty
family tree album ~
this addition to the cemeteria album is especially for my own lost loved ones..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

a POEtry reading...

elliott smith & portland

Elliott's birds
portland haunts album ~
is mr smith haunting portland? come see snaps of elliott smith landmarks & other local spots..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

the library..

Thingsbehindthesun
things behind the sun (journals)
Amouthfullof razorblades
a mouthfull of razorblades (journals)

ghost stories..

  • these are excerpts from the book toxic & i wrote about our childhood... it's called 'brenda was here'.. i'll try to randomly change the excerpts from time to time... let me know what you think/comments? p.s. all of the stories here are non fiction / true.


www.flickr.com
ghost at the gate's items Go to ghost at the gate's photostream
Laurelhurst
january trees album ~
january trees ~ winter shows her bones.. the tree is the psyche, the spirit, the whole self.. our inner world..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
Brenwashere
toxic was here ~
vintage socal, birthdays & halloweens..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved
Enter x
halloween mini album ~
~ copyright 2015 all rights reserved
Alice
ghost pix album ~ rpg videogame screenshots, lol kitties & all kinds of goodies..

home to oblivion..


  • ok i need a whole section just for elder scrolls~oblivion 'cause i'm playing it and loving it way too much right now.. i am so beautifully lost here living as a vampire & i'm never coming back.
    later ~ 430 hours of gameplay all as a vampire & now i'm stuck in limbo in the deadly glitch.. noooo!!
    update: i'm on the methadone of rpgs for my oblivion withdrawls, it's predecessor morrowind ~ the game of the year edition.. these are now my All-Time favorite rpgs, above all others..
    NEW ELDER SCROLLS!!
    SKYRIM!! 11/11/11!! DAWNGUARD DLC!!
    & more dlc to come!
    the awful tyranny of the sun shall end..

  • come into oblivion with me & tour my homes.. (note: vampirism has changed my appearance & my invisibility is due to stealth..)

  • so many ways to die..

  • realms of madness..

  • a friend in highcross town..

  • bonus morrowind footage..

  • welcome to skyrim..

m e o w

ghost closet...

haunted home movies..

ghost charity

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« dark places | Main

February 26, 2018

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ghost

god, i just feel so beat up, it's one week now of this virus & migraine & i've come full circle back to wanting to die..
what did i do in my past lives to deserve such brutal punishment?
i figure i've lost about 5 lbs due to the nausea & inability to eat.
the nausea goes with the migraine.
the migraine is the beast.

once the coughing began i deteriorated again, i swear it feels like a concussion, a concussive migraine?
i'm in a belljar.
like my brain & face & teeth, eardrums, everything is killing me. acetaminophen doesn't touch it sometimes, & that's what i'm left with due to all my other health issues.

my abs ache ridiculously (yes i do have them) from my nightly coughing/ab crunch workout, my entire body is so weak, my voice shakes.. god damned virus.
i'm useless & had to call mr dad to bring work home before i perish here alone.

i'll survive the virus.
(i will end you, motherfucker.)
but it's my old nemesis migraine that may end me.

the migraine is the beast.

http://friendlyghost.typepad.com/photos/a_mouthfull_of_razorblade/l-1.html

ghost

well, i'm still weak & coughing, but i think i shall yet live..
the worm moon tried to steal my mind away..

today i earned platinum on darksouls3, so at least i'm still badass on the inside?

https://www.instagram.com/p/Bf9KFpTDdnm/?taken-by=ghostatthegate

actually the look is not too far off..

ghost

once again our plans are suddenly ruined by a migraine that was triggered by this fucking virus from hell that is still in my head & lungs.. i think?
i say this because i just happened to be deep into layers of fear when it all hit me yesterday, a very disturbing & psychologically disorienting horror game, when i started to feel sick & awful i had to wonder if it was the game?

http://friendlyghost.typepad.com/photos/friendlyghoststuff/layers-of-fear-1.html

but i'm still trying to get over the plague after, 18 days now? i'm still hoping we'll get out tomorrow, i can't hike, but we can drive & photo, fingers x'd..

what i've learned is that anymore my migraines often precipitate a dysphoric drop that i have to really watch out for, the bad kind of akathisic depression like i experienced way back in the black hole of 1995 on the drug metaclopramide..

http://friendlyghost.typepad.com/photos/a_mouthfull_of_razorblade/the-akathisia-black-hole-that-was-1995-all-brought-to-you-by-the-evil-stomach-drug-reglan.html

ok, so i swear to god, a freakish teeny tiny little worm/grub thing just crawled onto my laptop screen & i lost it trying to squash it with a napkin :o wtf! wtf is that? this pushes my ocd buttons like nothing else.. i Hate Spring.

i try my best to think of good things, today i posted at my lost & found toy blog about my grandma's lost dolls, as it is her birthday today ~

http://friendlyghost.typepad.com/lost_found_vintage_toys/2018/03/kewpie-doll.html

& when i can't cope i crank all this pain & suffering into my dark arts at the ghost gallery quarantine hallway, knowing no one will ever fathom me, cold comfort, huh?

ghost

nope.
morning migraine + clocks forward = pulled the covers over my head just before getting turned into a pile of ash.
sunlight, it Burns Us!!

http://friendlyghost.typepad.com/photos/things_behind_the_sun/grandma-ruby.html

marathon migraine like the old days, the reason i made the ghost blog black, couldn't stand the bright..

staying in. mr dad & i are going to watch our new roger waters: the wall bluray.. my old obsession evolved, one of my favorite moments/memories in life was once when my son was around 12 years old i was playing my guitar at home, began strumming vera lynn, & he looked over & started singing the words, we sang it together while i played the chords.. *cries* now that is my dna.

also i saw our first ants & we had to turn off the house fan in the night because a skunk was obviously around :( they live under our neighbor's abandoned above ground pool..
i am not a spring person.

help me kill my time,
'cause i'll never be fine..
http://friendlyghost.typepad.com/photos/things_behind_the_sun/rotten.html

ghost

worried about the marathon migraine i've had basically for weeks, googled it, something i try to never do, it's called persistent daily headache & they think it's triggered by a virulent virus.. yeah, no kidding! :( usually goes away in weeks/months, but some poor souls have it for years??
fuck.
well, it's let up enough that i went out carefully to run errands, in my loose clothing from weight i've apparently lost, yikes. doing ok, saw a rainbow for st pat's day :)

http://friendlyghost.typepad.com/photos/i_love_portland/st-pats-day-rainbow.html

i'd hit the toys'r'us going out of business, but all i'm aware of now is virus & flu germs everywhere, especially where there are children :(
with all my health stuff, ocd, agoraphobia & now these plague migraines, i go out of my way to avoid any/all human contact possible these days, but i'm still here haunting the internet..

p.s. toxic's happy because she won the gumby goldrush game 2x on the gumby's world app, she thinks it's her irish luck & is sure the prize will be stickers, will post at the lost & found when it comes..

ghost

SticKers!! http://friendlyghost.typepad.com/lost_found_vintage_toys/2018/03/gumby-stickers.html

ok so it's more than a month & daniel & i are still trying to fully clear our lungs of the evil virus, which i now think was the flu afterall, maybe because we were taking acetaminophen & ibuprofen it masked/managed any fever so we only felt chills & aches? mr dad, who got the flu shot, fared better, recovered much quicker, so dan & i are resigned to drag our avoidant mistrustful selves in for flu shots next year. i'm still getting weird head aches after possibly my longest migraine on record, hope my brain is intact, or at least as complete as it was before? i'm not as weak & depressed, & i've gained back a lb, so i must be getting better, although we're still staying home alot, mr dad & i catching up on our extensive ancestry info.. i love genealogy, my family tree album has new (very old) pix ~ http://brensgumbyland.com/my%20familiy%20tree.html

many years ago the jungian psychologist i used to see, dr steve, gave me personality/temperament tests & determined i am what is called INFJ, i read a book on the subject at the time, but have been finding other infjs & material online recently that renewed my interest in the subject. no wonder i am such a reclusive eccentric in my own world, i'm classic. i've realized i look forward to things i'm going to think about the way others look forward to food/a meal that they are going to enjoy.. lols
my son's infp & so one of the only other humans i really relate with, we have incredibly in-depth long conversations about the nature of everything.. he is my future, i only wish i could help him have a brighter one, that is truly my hope.. along with all these other brave young people, that they take back this world from the brink of ruin..

p.s. spring/summer, should just be called spider season.

ghost

switching on a light

i am in love with 2 songs. both are of course, sung by thom yorke..

present tense

this dance
this dance
is like a weapon
is like a weapon
of self defense
self defense
against the present
against the present
the present tense
i won't get heavy
don't get heavy
keep it light &
keep it moving
i am doing
no harm
as my world
comes crashing down
i'll be dancing
freaking out
deaf, dumb, & blind
in you i'm lost
in you i'm lost
i won't turn 'round or the penny drops
i won't stop now
won't slack off
or all this love
will be in vain
stop from falling
down a mine
it's no one's business but mine
or all this love
has been in vain
in you i'm lost
in you i'm lost
in you i'm lost
in you i'm lost

&

desert island disk

now as i go upon my way
so let me go upon my way
born of a light
born of a light
the wind rushing 'round my open heart
an open ravine
in the spirit white
totally alive
in the spirit light
through an open doorway
across a street
to another life
& catching my reflection in a window
switching on a light
one i didn’t know
totally alive
totally released
waking, waking up from shutdown
from a thousand years of sleep
yeah you, you know what i mean
you know what i mean?
you know what i mean
standing at the edge of you
you know what i mean
you know what i mean
you know what i mean..
different types of love
different types of love
different types of love
are possible
are possible
are possible
are possible..

we took another long drive yesterday, down through oregon city & on to salem, to cemeteries for more photos to add to my cemeteria album.
& more incredible trees for my january trees album ~

http://friendlyghost.typepad.com/photos/january_trees/womantree.html

the day started off rocky ~

http://friendlyghost.typepad.com/photos/friendly_ghost_photo_albu/warning.html

married to someone with a.d.d. for 30+ years now, i understand mr dad's limitations & forgetfulness, & as someone who desires harmony in my relationships i try to show him all the patience i can..
but he affords me very little if any back, which is very hard. my ocd makes it tough enough to live with mistakes, even small ones. i live in fear of them. miscommunication is hallmark with attention deficit disorder, reactivity
& arguments come so easily as mr dad has a time limit for any given subject of conversation, combined with low frustration tolerance & the projection that comes from his own lifetime of
making mistakes.. i am always trying to get along & usually we're fine. but venturing out after my long illness, still carrying this worrisome neverending headache, felt treacherous..
& speaking of song lyrics, remember that old song 'a.d.d. & o.c.d. live together in perfect harmony..'? NOT.
marriage in these circumstances can feel like dog years, which is why i figure i am really about 399 years old.

anyway, i'm not someone who trusts, & with all my health issues just walking amongst humanity, washing my hands & trying to eat away from home are all anxiety triggers that become a tragic comedy all their own..
finally getting out there into the trees just about makes me cry. is it the pink moon's effect? in my older age i feel fragile to the point of ridiculousness,
it's kinda pitiful.
& nature is my detox for the soul. those trees & hidden creatures we spy on save me. that & my music, yeah i won't go anywhere very far without radiohead there to comfort me.
now i get it that my isolofilia is due to being infj, but living so socially isolated as someone long affected by self-esteem issues & dissociation is a serious challenge.
i've come far, i know, i have a self-destruction problem that was nearly the death of me that still lurks.
now if/when the bad self-talk shows up i see it as a red flag to try to take better care of myself instead.
but i'm someone who treads lightly into this strange new ground called self love..
as we were driving past a sign marking the halfway point between the north pole & the equator i was listening to the words thom was singing, & feeling a bit encouraged..

ghost

i think the eternal headache has gone?
btw interesting conversation in the comments of late at this blog:
http://howtherapyworks.com/
especially relevant to those with attachment issues..

p.s. to see what remains of our old psychconnection forum look left in the sidebar for the link..

p.p.s. hell is just a change of scenery..

ghost

now at the verrry end of the ghost gallery quarantine area: curiosities ~
http://www.brensgumbyland.com/curiosities.html

i just love tiny vintage treasures.. use an old laptop or non-apple device with firefox or google chrome to hear the soundtrack, which features toxic,
ghost & various family members & ancient sound bytes..

well i bashed my left kneecap, on apparently the door of death, just trying to get a bottle of water, so i'm relegated to my chair, helpless & squashed with kitties, the stairway being nearly impossible for me today.. i'm a danger to myself in my old age. w.e.i.n.

ghost

another drive, south this time to the albany carousel museum where i was surprised to discover an Emu! ~

http://friendlyghost.typepad.com/photos/friendly_ghost_photo_albu/albany-carousel-2.html

then on to more covered bridges & cemeteries, including the brownsville pioneer cemetery, which is one of the coolest ones i've visited, & i've been to just about every one within a hundred miles.. eliza, the last of the calapooias has such an interesting story ~

http://friendlyghost.typepad.com/photos/haunts/brownsville-cemetery.html

as with all my albums, if you want the music mix tracks just access them from my gallery page here ~

http://www.brensgumbyland.com/my%20photo%20album.html

we discovered a baby bunny in our garage yesterday, probably scared into there by mr dad mowing the lawn, but it escaped into a nearby hedge.. our kitties have their beloved sunshine in their window nests & baby bunnies are about, yeah it's spring! not my favorite time of year as spiders seem to come out from everywhere.. but if it makes the kitties happy.. & the friends of the library book sale is coming up, yay! wonder if my pumpkin vines will come back? oh, good news! the willow tree we lost to the east winds last year, i made the guys tip & brace it back into position, i didn't want to give up on it yet, & sure enough, it lives! it's covered in little green signs of life..

ghost

snug is my therapy cat, since i am challenged at self-soothing..
she curls up nearly upside-down on my lap snoring cute kitty sounds & acting as an alpha wave generator..
thank goodness i still have her here..

i'm missing my sweet kitties today..

http://friendlyghost.typepad.com/photos/kitty_heaven_is_our_heave/goodkitties.html

now this song makes me cry.. (so many songs were really about boopy)

http://friendlyghost.typepad.com/photos/kitty_heaven_is_our_heave/the-thoughts-of-boopy-lou.html

did i mention i think i have scurvy?

http://friendlyghost.typepad.com/photos/a_mouthfull_of_razorblade/scurvy.html

ghost

at times i can't handle this ghost life.. http://www.brensgumbyland.com/x.html

but at least i've reached my 10 years no si anniversary..

ghost

treasure hunting, radiohead & world domination..

http://friendlyghost.typepad.com/photos/friendly_ghost_photo_albu/world-domination.html

ghost

i've been painting a bunch of abstracts with acrylics & compiling an album i call 'sleepers' (sound up) ~ http://brensgumbyland.com/sleepers.html
more to come because this project just keeps growing & changing..

also:
http://friendlyghost.typepad.com/photos/things_behind_the_sun/bigpicture.html

& i went one full month without migraine, the longest on record in my memory :) i could get used to this..

ghost

yeah, i am a vampire.
i've known it for a long long time, but it's never been so evident as right now.
i lived for years with my porphyric hemophilia in oblivion ~ http://www.brensgumbyland.com/ghostpix.html
long before it was fashionable, & i continued the lifestyle in all my rpgs right from the beginning..
i spawned a vampire son, whose heat allergy & love of the dark made him in my own image, a daysleeper with his pale skin & long dark hair & fingernails ~ http://brensgumbyland.com/ghost%20house.html
my reverse s.a.d. summer depression, pernicious anemia & health issues, among my other obsessions & proclivities..
there's no going back if i cared to, right now i'm dealing with maddening PMLE to the point that i can't venture into sunlight if i wanted to. it Burns us!! right through clothes & windows. i positively braised myself even on a rainy day. now i'm basically housebound until fall, except for grocery runs at night, i literally can't go outside.
but i'm fine with that. i prefer it actually..
deny summer.
http://brensgumbyland.com/shockboxdetail.htm

ghost

happy birthday mr dad ~
http://www.brensgumbyland.com/my%20stars.html
btw, so if turning 40 is over the hill, what is 60.. everest?

ghost

these alice screenshots remind me of my own therapy days ~ http://friendlyghost.typepad.com/photos/friendlyghoststuff/american-mcgees-alice-madness-returns-therapy-sessions-1.html
american mcgee's alice madness returns is my favorite game of all & i'll be posting about it again tomorrow at the lost & found because today i finished the nightmare difficulty playthrough & finally got the very last achievements, with my sweet cheshire cat beside me all the way..
i'll never forget the time i tweeted our pic to mr mcgee & got a meow back! ;)
https://twitter.com/GhostAtTheGate/status/746766540633047041

ghost

my latest acrylic abstractions ~ lepidopterarium ~ http://brensgumbyland.com/lepidopterarium.html

so i'm venturing outside today with just so much to do, fortunately here in the pacific nw it is cloudy & not as hot as the rest of the country, but i have to be careful nonetheless.. mr dad wants to take me out to lunch & the promise of a chocolate milkshake has sealed the deal, offered in part because it seems my weight has dropped back below 125 without my really noticing due to my ongoing difficulty eating..
much lower & it becomes a sickness all of its own.. this has just been my ridiculous challenge in life, & although i accept that eating disorder dx that still follows me to this day, i also must insist that there is some kind of physical reason making it difficult to both eat & breathe, & sadly my son inherited the same problem.. it started at the same age & is the reason he no longer goes out to eat ever, his 'chokey' foods.. he doesn't panic over it though, just forces through it, even when it causes him to gag up food into the sink, even water at times! he manages it with allergy meds & careful eating & won't consult a dr either (surprise, he doesn't trust them.) anyway, here i go, i may end up a pile of ash..

hopefully i'll survive so mr dad & i can get more work done on the mystery house ~ http://friendlyghost.typepad.com/photos/i_love_portland/mystery-house.html

oh! almost forgot, a dream has inspired me what to do as my next creative project, if you ever saw my doll workshop album from one halloween past ~ http://brensgumbyland.com/workshop.html
then you know i have all those vintage dolly parts & pieces? well, my madness returns playthrough gave me an idea that i'd like to start sewing together a dolly freakshow of sorts :D afterall i still sew sockitties the way my great grandma barbre used to ~ http://friendlyghost.typepad.com/photos/i_love_portland/sockitty.html
i'm not a great seamstress but i don't think it'll matter.. ;)

later: ok, so i survived, but just barely, at first we had wonderful cloud cover, but then the evil sun burned it all away & the shakemaker was broken! i'm not kidding, i sometimes think god is punishing me. but i got a good prize with my lunch & found some cool vintage treasure along the way home anyway..
(if i don't get a toy, i don't eat.)
putting my new hoodie to the test? ~ http://friendlyghost.typepad.com/photos/i_love_portland/lesser-known-vampires-of-the-pacnw.html
as careful as i was, i did get pmle on the backs of my hands :(

ghost

am i going insane? http://www.brensgumbyland.com/outside%20in.html (sound up!)

ghost

ok so i know it'll come as a surprise to anyone who might be reading this here, but i think i've truly veered way into eccentricville of late, unable to venture into sunlight or around other humans & all..
i've been doing lots of painting though, acrylic abstracts of the psychedelic variety, realized today i have paint in my hair. but hey i grew up to be a real starving artist afterall!
& so today mr dad took me out to lunch for another try (the shake machine worked!) but first we hit today's pdx estates sale out in newberg that i've been scoping out on insta..
(we're regulars)
it seemed worth risking my lily white skin over, so i went ~

http://friendlyghost.typepad.com/photos/friendly_ghost_photo_albu/vampira.html

:D So glad i did, as the pix show, major vintage treasure to be found around these parts..
(& along the way home i tried using mr dad's magic 8 ball app on his phone, lol see pic)
back home now into my lovely cool dark lair, now i watch my skin for the maddening pmle rash & hope for the best.. i tried to stand in mr dad's shadow in line for the sale, & we were lucky enough to be beneath a nice big maple tree.. my eyes hurt like they're burned, but i get that often, it's why i am no longer the bookworm toxic was..
http://friendlyghost.typepad.com/photos/friendly_ghost_photo_albu/magic-8-ball.html

ghost

happy FridayThe13th http://friendlyghost.typepad.com/lost_found_vintage_toys/2018/07/happy-friday-the-13th.html

ghost

here's a sneak peek at the dolly freakshow i'm working on, hope to finish it for halloween ~ http://friendlyghost.typepad.com/photos/i_love_portland/freakshow-dollies.html
would you play spider with me?

ghost

up in the middle of the night trying to photo the crescent moon, venus, jupiter & mercury..
here are clouds over mars http://friendlyghost.typepad.com/photos/i_love_portland/clouds-of-mars.html
will try again tonight..
i've been feeling like going radio silent.
once before i plunged this blog into a long dark night, several years actually, before i exhumed it again.. are there special counselors just for infjs? because i think i need one..
just like in the painted world of my dark souls games, i've created my own gallery to contain all my nightmares & demons, but then i feel the pull to dig out a snowcave there & go into long hibernation.

ghost

down the rabbit hole (sound up!) http://brensgumbyland.com/down%20the%20rabbit%20hole.html

ghost

rots
(sound up)
http://www.brensgumbyland.com/rots.html
p.s. lost more weight, the milkshakes aren't working..

ghost

worried about my frail skinny old lady kitties..
still painting ~ psychograms
http://www.brensgumbyland.com/psychograms.html
sound up!

ghost

my birthday present finally came: http://friendlyghost.typepad.com/lost_found_vintage_toys/2018/08/sad-ghost-club.html
& we took some nice moon shots late last night since i haven't been able to sleep anyway with the blood moon affecting my brain: http://friendlyghost.typepad.com/photos/i_love_portland/blood-moon-eclipse-rising.html
so, i think i was a sad ghost first, btw.. all these years here at the ghost blog & all my ghost artwork..
my mom actually remembered & sent me a birthday card :)

ghost

i stay in the shadows..

i walk a fine line in my isolation, with madness on either side..

so yesterday i risked sun allergy & went out treasure hunting with mr dad, in my protective hoodie of course, to check out estate sales & sale signs & run errands.. well, i am so glad i did, right off i found some vintage gumby bendys, which i always consider a good sign, & as i was counting out some quarters to buy them the older ladies there began talking gumby, so i had to mention gumbyland :) they seemed very happy to have their gumbys coming home to my house.. then i ended up in a long conversation with a local artist who had some of his acrylic abstracts out, yeah, that was me, socializing, go figure.. lols
so i found incredible halloween goodies for cheap, thought i might be dreaming, leaving one house the lady there bid me 'happy halloween' & it just doesn't get much better than that, does it?
fuck off, heat wave! halloween is here. treasure pix here in my ghost toy catalogue ~ http://friendlyghost.typepad.com/photos/ghost_toy_catalogue/gumby-pokey-figures.html

i took pix with mr dad's phone as we ran errands too ~ http://friendlyghost.typepad.com/photos/i_love_portland/people-must-wonder-about-us.html
i made a mouse-friend..

it all resulted with some pmle rash on my arms & hands, some anxiety & a migraine, but not a bad one.. a test? we want to be able to drive out & photo mt jefferson once we get fall color, & that'll be a full day..
i think i'll make it :)

ghost

so fucking depressed.

http://www.brensgumbyland.com/unknowns.html

ghost

summer is over.
it's just early halloween..
(raven has seconded that so you can take it as official.)

things behind the sun:
http://friendlyghost.typepad.com/photos/things_behind_the_sun/breakthrough.html

http://friendlyghost.typepad.com/photos/i_love_portland/dolly-freakshow-preview-peek.html

ghost

i won't turn 'round or the penny drops
won't stop now
won't slack off
or all this love
will be in vain
stop from falling down a mine
it's no one's business
but mine..
or all this love
has been in vain
..in you i'm lost
in you i'm lost..

https://twitter.com/GhostAtTheGate/status/1033397100610899968

http://friendlyghost.typepad.com/photos/i_love_portland/raven-moon.html

http://friendlyghost.typepad.com/photos/ghost_toy_catalogue/ghost-gallery-abstracts.html

back to my baseline existential drought.

ghost

and so it begins..
http://friendlyghost.typepad.com/photos/i_love_portland/halloween-18.html

ghost

ok, so i can't take the #shitcircus much longer, please let sense & reason make a comeback soon.. #RESIST before bozo presses the shiny red button & brings on the apocalypse.. (no offense to the real bozo the clown..)

& speaking of circus folk, my freakshow dollies are all done & ready for the show :D now all i need to do is paint the banner & start photographing, hopefully i can get this installation all complete by early october, i can't wait all the way till halloween for this one (toxic inner child impatience..) but, well, there's an issue with that, because i managed to injure myself yesterday just going about household tasks & now i am going around pitifully carrying my broken wing cussing & complaining like an oversized raven.. i fucked up my shoulder good, the Right one, of course, because i'm right-handed, so i'm using my idiotic left hand for everything, which may spell even further injury.. apparently sleeping is the most painful thing, trying to get into a tolerable position & hold still..
but i can still type & win gumby's world prizes, apparently.. & at least all this ridiculous drama occurred After we had a nice labor day weekend, which included hiking & photographing at the coast.. my new hat passed the test & protected me from sun allergy, & i made an album of our adventure & all the cool trees i encountered along our trails to the sea here ~

http://www.brensgumbyland.com/trails%20to%20the%20sea.html
(sound up!)

snug & rose are both sick right now with different things, & mr dad is short on patience at the moment, working 2 positions as his company transitions from one location to another, so i'm feeling myself go into an early hibernative mode, digging out my mental snowcave preparing for the worst.. dipping below my usual baseline existential drought at the moment..
i pre-ordered thom's new suspirium soundtrack, wish it were here now to comfort me in my time of need.. until halloween there's only this one beautiful piece ~

https://twitter.com/GhostAtTheGate/status/1037378443027968000

:(
h e l p . .

..later, after my first listenings:

this is a waltz thinking about our bodies
what they mean for our salvation
the little clothes that we stand up in
just the ground on which we stand
is the darkness ours to take?
bathed in lightness
bathed in heat
all is well
as long as we keep spinning
here & now
dancing on a wall
when the old songs & laughter within
are forgiven
always have never been true
& when i arrive
will you come & find me?
or in a crowd
be one of them
while the walls are
back inside her
no tomorrows
at peace..

ghost

it's 13 days till october, halloween month!
i hope this makes someone smile..
http://brensgumbyland.com/dolly%20freakshow.html

toxic couldn't wait.. ;)
(use a laptop or pc with sound up!)

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lost & found toys

cat girl

  • xx xx xx be wild.. xx xx xx

a handful of applecores a mouthful of razorblades

  • i am friendly ~ but i have edges..
  • seeing is deceiving..
  • $@x!^&*#%!/
  • love bites.
  • life sucks.
  • "but i don't want to go among mad people" Alice remarked.
    "oh, you can't help that," said the Cat:
    "we're all mad here.
    i'm mad. you're mad."
    "how do you know i'm mad?" said Alice.
    "you must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
    Alice didn't think that proved it at all;
    however, she went on "and how do you know that you're mad?"
    "to begin with," said the Cat, "a dog's not mad. you grant that?"
    "i suppose so," said Alice.
    "well, then," the Cat went on, "you see, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased.
    Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.."
  • but why is the rum gone?!
  • ***triggering!! don't look!!!*** (you looked..)
  • beezorch daddy-o! go! kitty, go!
  • ffft! hiss! spit! rah! kill! maim!
  • crank up your speakers!!

ulalume

  • by Edgar Allan Poe

    The skies they were ashen and sober;
    The leaves they were crisped and sere-
    The leaves they were withering and sere;
    It was night in the lonesome October
    Of my most immemorial year;
    It was hard by the dim lake of Auber,
    In the misty mid region of Weir-
    It was down by the dank tarn of Auber,
    In the ghoul-haunted woodland of Weir.

    Here once, through an alley Titanic,
    Of cypress, I roamed with my Soul-
    Of cypress, with Psyche, my Soul.
    These were days when my heart was volcanic
    As the scoriac rivers that roll-
    As the lavas that restlessly roll
    Their sulphurous currents down Yaanek
    In the ultimate climes of the pole-
    That groan as they roll down Mount Yaanek
    In the realms of the boreal pole.

    Our talk had been serious and sober,
    But our thoughts they were palsied and sere-
    Our memories were treacherous and sere-
    For we knew not the month was October,
    And we marked not the night of the year-
    (Ah, night of all nights in the year!)
    We noted not the dim lake of Auber-
    (Though once we had journeyed down here),
    Remembered not the dank tarn of Auber,
    Nor the ghoul-haunted woodland of Weir.

    And now, as the night was senescent,
    And star-dials pointed to morn-
    As the star-dials hinted of morn-
    At the end of our path a liquescent
    And nebulous lustre was born,
    Out of which a miraculous crescent
    Arose with a duplicate horn-
    Astarte's bediamonded crescent
    Distinct with its duplicate horn.

    And I said–"She is warmer than Dian:
    She rolls through an ether of sighs-
    She revels in a region of sighs:
    She has seen that the tears are not dry on
    These cheeks, where the worm never dies,
    And has come past the stars of the Lion,
    To point us the path to the skies-
    To the Lethean peace of the skies-
    Come up, in despite of the Lion,
    To shine on us with her bright eyes-
    Come up through the lair of the Lion,
    With love in her luminous eyes."

    But Psyche, uplifting her finger,
    Said–"Sadly this star I mistrust-
    Her pallor I strangely mistrust:-
    Oh, hasten!–oh, let us not linger!
    Oh, fly!–let us fly!–for we must."
    In terror she spoke, letting sink her
    Wings until they trailed in the dust-
    In agony sobbed, letting sink her
    Plumes till they trailed in the dust-
    Till they sorrowfully trailed in the dust.

    I replied–"This is nothing but dreaming:
    Let us on by this tremulous light!
    Let us bathe in this crystalline light!
    Its Sybilic splendor is beaming
    With Hope and in Beauty to-night:-
    See!–it flickers up the sky through the night!
    Ah, we safely may trust to its gleaming,
    And be sure it will lead us aright-
    We safely may trust to a gleaming
    That cannot but guide us aright,
    Since it flickers up to Heaven through the night."

    Thus I pacified Psyche and kissed her,
    And tempted her out of her gloom-
    And conquered her scruples and gloom;
    And we passed to the end of the vista,
    But were stopped by the door of a tomb-
    By the door of a legended tomb;
    And I said–"What is written, sweet sister,
    On the door of this legended tomb?"
    She replied–"Ulalume–Ulalume-
    'Tis the vault of thy lost Ulalume!"

    Then my heart it grew ashen and sober
    As the leaves that were crisped and sere-
    As the leaves that were withering and sere-
    And I cried–"It was surely October
    On this very night of last year
    That I journeyed–I journeyed down here-
    That I brought a dread burden down here-
    On this night of all nights in the year,
    Ah, what demon has tempted me here?
    Well I know, now, this dim lake of Auber-
    This misty mid region of Weir-
    Well I know, now, this dank tarn of Auber,
    This ghoul-haunted woodland of Weir."

    Said we then, the two then,
    "Ah, can it have been
    That the woodlandish ghouls,
    The pitiful, the merciful ghouls,
    To bar up our way and to ban it
    From the secret that lies in these wolds,
    From the thing that lies hidden in these wolds,
    Have drawn up the spectre of a planet
    From the limbo of lunary souls,
    This sinfully scintillant planet
    From the Hell of the planetary souls..."

little friends..

Brenradiohead
back in the day ~
back when i was still a snowballinhell, including tabitha's kittens & little daniel..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved

friendlyghost fun & games!!

ghost movie picks..

  • not necessarily in this order:
    1 Dead Man
    2 Notorious
    3 Bringing Up Baby
    4 It’s a Wonderful Life
    5 A.I.
    6 Pink Floyd/The Wall
    7 The City of Lost Children
    8 Orphans (Matthew Modine)
    9 The Effect of Gamma Rays on 
    Man-in-the-Moon Marigolds
    10 The Lord of the Rings Trilogy
    11 The Curse of the Cat People
    12 Pirates of the Caribbean 1, 2 & 3 
    13 Jan Svankmejer’s Alice
    14 Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?
    15 Sybil
    16 Edward Scissorhands
    17 The Nightmare Before Christmas
    18 A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
    19 An Angel at My Table
    20 Rear Window
    21 The Wizard of Oz
    22 Oliver!
    23 King Kong (original)
    24 Navigator: A Medieval Odyssey
    25 Titus
    26 The Swimmer
    27 Monty Python & the Holy Grail
    28 Sergeant York
    29 A Streetcar Named Desire
    30 The Little Princess  (original)
    31 Immortal Beloved
    32 Life & Death
    33 The Little Fugitive
    34 Willy Wonka (both)
    35 Endless Summer
    36 Dead Poets Society
    37 Silence of the Lambs
    38 Instinct
    39 Sleepy Hollow
    40 Pollock
    41 Days of Wine & Roses
    42 Something Wicked This Way 
    Comes
    43 James & the Giant Peach
    44 Lemony Snickett’s Series of 
    Unfortunate Events 
    45 The Shining (original)
    46 Harold & Maude
    47 Psycho
    48 The Road to Utopia (& others!)
    49 Monkey Business (Cary Grant)
    50 North By Northwest
    51 Spider Baby
    52 Golden Earrings
    53 The Miracle Worker
    54 The Neverending Story
    55 A Clockwork Orange
    56 Clash of the Titans
    57 The Outsiders
    58 Benny &Joon
    59 The Whisperers
    60 Angela’s Ashes
    61 Willow
    62 Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein
    63 Polyester
    64 Scrooged
    65 Groundhog Day
    66 PeeWee’s Big Adventure
    67 The African Queen
    68 Victor/Victoria
    69 The Others
    70 From Hell
    71 Dreamchild
    72 The Paleface
    73 Another Woman
    74 Warlock
    75 Fanny & Alexander
    76 One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
    77 Duel
    78 A Girl Named Sooner
    79 A Christmas Story
    80 Return to Oz
    81 Harry Potter (movies)
    82 Van Helsing 
    83 Don’t Look in the Basement
    84 Toy Story
    85 The Court Jester
    86 Murder, He Says
    87 Indiscreet
    88 Creepshow
    89 Mr Smith Goes to Washington
    90 Harvey
    91 Brainstorm
    92 Ed Wood
    93 Defending Your Life
    94 The Bells of St. Mary’s
    95 Going My Way
    96 This Property is Condemned
    97 Rebel Without a Cause
    98 Labyrinth
    99 Jabberwocky
    100 Cheech & Chong’s Nice Dreams
    101 Gone With the Wind
    102 6th Sense
    103 To Kill a Mockingbird
    104 Troll
    105 Small Soldiers
    106 Jumanji
    107 Mrs. Doubtfire
    108 Gaslight
    109 Take the Money and Run
    110 The Old Man and the Sea
    111 Hocus Pocus
    112 Witches
    113 Casablanca
    114 What About Bob
    115 The Godfather
    116 The Deer Hunter
    117 Raiders of the Lost Ark
    118 Greystoke: Legend of Tarzan
    119 Monty Python’s Meaning of Life 
    120 Eraserhead
    121 Arsenic & Old Lace
    122 Motel Hell
    123 Dial M for Murder
    124 The Other
    125 The Chronicles of Narnia
    126 Napoleon Dynamite
    127 SOB
    128 The Secret Garden
    129 Apocalypse Now
    130 Hide & Seek
    131 Eternal Sunshine Spotless Mind
    132 The Abandoned
    133 Pan's Labyrinth
    134 Kafka
    135 One Hour Photo
    136 Jack the Bear
    137 Fur: Diane Arbus
    138 Unforgiven
    139 Dances With Wolves
    140 Alice in Wonderland 2010
    141 True Grit (2010)
    142 The Wolfman (original & new)
    143 Universal Monsters (originals)
    144 The Road
    145 The Woman in Black
    146 Don't Be Afraid of the Dark
    147 Dark Shadows
    148 The Yellow Wallpaper
    149 Paranorman
    150 The Hobbit (all)
    151 Frankenweenie
    152 Oz the Great & Powerful
    153 The Raven 2012
    154 Snow White & the Huntsman
    155 The Elephant Man
    156 Hugo
    157 Rabbit-Proof Fence
    158 Mama
    159 My Side of the Mountain 1969
    160 Maleficent
    161 God Bless Ozzy (bio)
    162 The Book Thief
    163 Wakefield
    Gumby Adventures (original & new)
    The Twilight Zone episodes (original)
    The Outer Limits (original)
    The Night Gallery
    Davey & Goliath
    Mr Rogers Neighborhood
    Sesame Street (pre elmo!)
    Little House on the Prairie
    Monty Python’s Flying Circus
    Mystery Science Theater 3000
    Good Neighbors
    SCTV
    The Rockford Files
    Fawlty Towers
    Ripping Yarns
    Metamorphosis (play) 
    The Glass Menegerie(play)
    Death of a Salesman(play)
    Absurd Person Singular(play)
    Koyaanisquatsi
    I, Claudius (miniseries)
    The Chronicles of Narnia (miniseries)
    Merlin (miniseries)
    The Snowman (animated)
    The Selfish Giant (animated)
    Prokofiev's Peter & the Wolf 2006
    Secret of Kells (animated)
    Yellow Submarine (animated)
    Watership Down (animated)
    Peter Rabbit & Friends (animated)
    Frog & Toad (animated)
    Dr Seuss (animated shows)
    Kroft shows (Land of the Lost, etc…)
    Peanuts (animated shows)
    Felix the Cat (animated cartoons)
    The Oblongs (animated)
    The Addams Family (original series)
    The Munsters (original series)
    The Phantom Creeps (serial)
    Bill & Coo (live bird show)
    The Sopranos (series)
    Biggest Loser (series)
    All Rankin/Bass shows (Mad Monster
    Party, Daydreamer etc)
    Little Rascals/Our Gang comedies 
    Deadwood (series)
    Secrets of the Dead (series)
    Mantracker (series)
    Dual Survival (original series)
    Estate of Panic (series)
    Criminal Minds (series)
    Two Fat Ladies (series)
    History Detectives (series)
    Oregon Field Guide (series)
    Once Upon a Time (both series)
    Oddities (series)
    Odd Folks Home (series)
    The Incredible Dr Pol (series)
    Colbert Report (series)
    Bates Motel (series)
    Hannibal (series)
    Longmire (series)
    Treehouse Masters (series)
    The Blacklist (series)
    Life Below Zero (series)
    Sleepy Hollow (series)
    Dracula (series)
    Portlandia (series)
    The Walking Dead (series)
    Breaking Bad (series)
    Alaska: the Last Frontier (series)
    American Horror Story (series)
    Salem (series)
    Penny Dreadful (series)
    Chronicles of Lizzie Borden (series)
    Grimm (series)
    Fear of the Walking Dead (series)
    The Killing (series)
    The Fall (series)

ghostfilms

Losthollowghost
lost hollow digital art album ~
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

ghost space

haunts

  • lunacy..
    CURRENT MOON
  • the happy haunts have received your sympathetic vibrations...